Happy New Year!

Vintage card found at the New York Public Library Digital Gallery.

Christmas presents!

Thank you Santa!

Simple Pleasures

While having my tea today, I realized that my tea tray reminded me of the happy memories I had of breakfasts in bed at luxurious resort hotels and the delicious Asian meals (specially the desserts) served in Cathay Pacific/Singapore airlines, in which I end up eating in an almost meditative state, having nothing much to do on airline seats anyway and nowhere else to hurry to as in the case of being in beach resorts. Maybe I'll fill my tea tray up with some more of those nice little delightful goodies and add some tiny details (such as a flower picked somewhere). That would add up to making my daily fifteen minutes of teatime quite delightful, wouldn't it?

I am pretty much discovering that tiny details, if noticed and appreciated (maybe adored even), can add a lot to enhancing an otherwise "usual" day. I now truly understand what I have read years ago, why Kelly Preston (John Travolta's wife) would choose to drink her coffee/tea from an exquisite porcelain cup rather than from styros or paper cups, even when it's the only thing she could afford (at that time) to have. There is an elegance in living to it that is quite subtle.

Happy Holidays!

Merry Christmas to All, and to all a Good-night! :)

Let's go exploring

My manager have often told me that I inspire her with my clear sense of direction -that I have a clear picture of what I wanted to do with my life, which most people (including her) struggle with. In a way, I agree with her. I have sort of felt that I have always driven myself (sometimes to much more than I would have sanely wanted to) in the pursuit of that which I viewed as my life's destiny, my dreams and ambitions and in doing so, have passed through the pre-requisite and often rough journey of knowing one's self intimately. I could say with the frankness of an aged woman, that I feel I have done almost everything I wanted to do in my lifetime and now in my late thirties, I think of myself as living a semi-retired life. I feel I owe this to the fact that I have struggled to learn (and have accepted) who I am early on. But I do feel my journey hasn't ended yet. It becomes clearer to me when I face a blank piece of watercolor paper and find myself struggling to create something which would somehow show my imagined world. Although I could make the claim of having done everything I wanted to do in my career and my life in general, I couldn't say the same thing for my creative endeavor which is something I have long abadoned when I chose a non-art related career path. Now in my semi-retired state, painting is the one thing I yearn to go back to. But I realize, I do not clearly know who I am in my art work. I do have some ideas who I am not. I am not a realist. As I often find myself disappointed when I see my work resemble too much of the real thing. I am not an abstract painter either as I still like to keep some real forms in. If I am to ask myself what I really want to paint, what I really want to paint are unreal things, fantasy things, like floating jellyfishes, empty martian-like spaces, crooked dead trees, creatures in dream-like places, people in different forms, dilapidated doors that lead to magical places.. I would really love to do be doing that someday. That is my dream. And so, I have resolved to start on another sort of journey - to discover another aspect of who I am, in the drawings that I make. It is daunting and at the same time exhilarating to think that I can be whatever I want to be on paper.

Winter (in some red place)- playing with primary colors

Early Christmas Gift

I am so excited in recieving my Christmas gift to myself today. It came earlier than I thought. I feel like a child! So anxious in opening my package and savoring the pages with my favorite cup of tea in my nice warm bed. So exciting! This is one thing I'll definitely start doing as a Christmas ritual - ordering a gift for myself online as my reward for all the good things I have done the whole year through ;) ...and maybe have them insert a note that says it's from Santa. That would be fun! :)
I got my gift from here.

Camilla Engman is one of my favorite blogger artists. I love her drawings, collages and paintings.

Holiday Fireplace

I find it pretty amusing that there is a channel on TV called "Holiday Fireplace" which shows nothing but a recording of a fireplace burning wood for hours and hours. It is a live recording complete with the occassional crackle and all the sounds associated with wood being burnt. One could sometimes see a hand stretching out to arrange the logs and put in a new one when the wood is starting to run out. Just watching it, made me feel quite warm and toasty. It really is quite amusing.

Taking up Sewing

And so I found myself buying a sewing machine because I had earlier bought five pieces of beautiful fabric from the quilt shop and didn't know what to do with them. When I was a child, I remember playing and trying so hard to sew a few stitches using my mom's old Singer and ended up spending the next hours getting the threads out of wherever it is it decided to entangle itself with. So I approached my new sewing machine with "caution" - hesitation and fear of ruining it are definitely there too. But after an hour of reading the manual and trying things up, I realized that sewing machines nowadays are more sophisticated than they were back then and are now easier to use. And so I made one of the pieces of fabric into a pillowcase. And when I realized it was that easy, I then decided to make Julia's pajamas. And even that turned out great. Just looking at the sewn threads on the fabric boggles my mind. I can't believe I could make such uniformed stitches so easily! I realized it never is too late nor too difficult to try the things one have been wanting to do for years. All I needed was to take the first step - like buying a sewing machine.

Salmon Run

Once every year, around November, the salmon swims up through the streams in British Columbia to spawn. Julia enjoys watching them. Here are her colorful paintings of these beautiful fishes. (I cut it out for her to paste in the collage).

Here is a link to an artist who paints birds.

Soot Sprites

Hayao Miyazaki is one of my favorite animators. I particularly love his latest movies - Spirited Away and Howl's Moving Castle (I haven't seen Ponyo yet). In Spirited Away, we see the small round black creatures in the boiler room which I later found from his older movie (My neighbor Totoro), to be soot sprites or "travelling soot". Wikipedia describes them as shy, slightly frightful creatures that live in abandoned buildings such as old houses. Julia is fascinated with them and I'm glad I found a convenient make believe substitute for her to play with. Here below the "soot sprites" in our new house are "flying" and hiding in Julia's closet. (They don't like too much noise so we need to be quiet..shhhh.) The hanging cat is her version of "Totoro" as well". Children's imagination never cease to amaze me.

Tea Table

Chris found a board in the basement the other month and made it into a nice low tea table for me. Now, Julia and I have a place to draw and write among other things. It's very nice. :)

Small Balls of Learning

At the office, our staff meetings always end by going around and having each one talk about a thing they learned for the past weeks. I thought that would be good for me to do here. I call it "Balls of Learning" as I see it similar to the small balls that Julia makes with her clay and which she then gathers and squeeze to make her figures. I feel those little details, mental notes I make and stuff I see or seem to feel that is like a "rule" or pattern by which our lives operate, do somehow shape me.

Things I Knew More About (or suspect is true):

1. The more uncomfortable situations I got into, the more learning I got going out of it.

2. Waking up an hour earlier everyday, to spend time alone with oneself, makes a lot of
difference.

3. When one suddenly finds that one's monetary resources are now limited (because of a mortgage loan for example), one then begins to stop "acquiring" and starts "being".

4. My books will find me at their right time.
It used to surprise me how I would tend to find the books that I need for the mood/yearning I had, at the exact moment I need it. Now I take it for granted. I always find the book (or they would find me) that I need at the time that it would make a difference in my life. All it needs is for me to be sensitive to the signal. I found one last Friday, lying face up (or more like staring at me and calling out - pick me up. pick me up!) on a shelf when all the rest of the books were "standing".

5. Like the camera, people can choose to see the world at different focal lengths. We can see it at it's tiniest detail or at the broadest view. Some prefer one over the other. I find nowadays that I tend to look for the greatest things in the tiniest details, which I find ironic.. but the "Book of Tea" seems to agree with me.

6. Speaking about tea - I learned that "Teasism" is the worship of imperfection. (A similar way of thinking is behind why in ancient Japan, when their bowls or cups are cracked, they bring it to an artisan who fixes it by highligthing the crack lines - not hiding them- with some metal filling as these crack lines now make the cup unique and beautiful.)
This gave me a big relief. And so I told an old friend, now that I knew about such a thing as "imperfection" being good, I can stop my endless (and tiring) quest for perfection and be at peace with myself at last. And my old friend, like a sage, calmly says, " Now, that Emilie, makes you perfect"...There is no getting away from the yin and yang of things I suppose then.

7. Halloween is like Christmas back home. It's the rare time we can go around knocking our neighbor's doors and being given treats.

Happy Halloween Everyone!

A Day in my Life

I thoroughly enjoyed my day today that I thought I'd share it with you so that you could agree with me. :)

Early morning walk to the bus stop. Clouds are

grey, some light rain showers and nice cool wind -

it's my kind of day.

Waiting for the bus and admiring my new boots.

Julia knocks on her daycare door - what, no fuss, no whining?

.... the day is definitely looking good!

Having a chat with the pink fairy backyardnigan creature

while taking her boots off by herself..definitely looking good.

And off she goes....

Walking to work and noticed something was brewing at

the parliament building..

It's the day the winter olympic torch reaches Victoria from Greece!

(Part of the pre-activities of the Vancouver 2010 winter olympics)

A lot of important people speaking..

Finally, the torch is lit and ready for the relay across Vancouver

island. The flame had been carried from Greece without once

being put off and had travelled by plane, on logging trucks,

underwater, snow sled, you name it. It came in a sophisticated

small lantern like container to Victoria on a canoe and was used to light

the olympic couldron which was then used to light the torch for the relay.

I really liked looking at this old man...he is just glowing.

Coffee at the museum - a newly discovered place. There is something calming about having coffee surrounded by ancient totem poles. Wow! Numerous pecans in my cinnamon bun? The gods were
smiling at me today.

Got a visit from a very cute furry friend.

And baby seagulls keeping me company while I finished work.

I saw an angel in the street.Snuggling up with two books from my favorite author, Neil Gaiman (Mirror Mask & Graveyard book) with a dash of my other favorite magazine, National Geographic. All lent/given to me by friends. How much luckier could I be?

Wouldn't you agree that I had a great day? :)

Canadian Geese

I woke up one morning and found these Canadian geese grazing at the empty field behind our house. It was nice company to have breakfast with on a cold saturday morning. I realized later that having all or most of them facing the same direction was a rare occurrence. I wonder what could have made them look the same way when I took this picture (as I didn't see any other being or animal at that end of the field). I was reminded of a scene in a movie where all the unseen angels on earth all go to the beach and face the sun as it sets in the western sky. Maybe these geese are angels in disguise...ah, now that's a comforting thought.

The Little Things

I found happiness this week in five pieces of 14" x 24" fabric cuts. I couldn't believe it myself. But apparently when one goes into a quilt shop with the intent of "just looking around", one is doomed to fail specially if one is of my disposition where the sight of paper and fabric turns on all the buttons of delight, excitement and to some degree, greed. I felt like I was Gollum (in the Lord of the Rings) as I whispered, "my preciousssssss" while lovingly caressing the soft, satinny surface of my pretty pretty fabrics... and I don't even know how to quilt.

Super Polka Dot Girl!

...with her laser light powerrr! kablizzzzzt...blzzztt.

Conversation with a 3 year old

Julia: "Mama, Georgee (her stuffed giraffe) has a tag!"
Me: "Yes.. (reading the tag).. and the tag says that Georgee came from China."
Julia: "Georgee came from China?"
Me: "Yes." ....(thinking quickly for words so I could extend the conversation) I asked, "do you know where you came from?"
Julia: ...."Chinatown?"
Me: " No", I replied smiling, "You came from the Philippines. Can you say Fi-li-peens?"
Julia: (in a slang accent) repeated, "Filipinss".
Me: "Yes, that's right. You came from the Philippines." (I silently congratulated myself for being quite quickwitted to have thought of using this opportunity to teach her of home country.)
Julia: (after a long silent pause)..."Mama, did you buy me too?"
(I nearly choked) Me: (laughing) "Do you have a tag in you?"
Julia: (looking around herself and me giving her time to search for a possible tag in her while absorbing her perspective).. "No, I don't have a tag..(she declared sadly)."
Me: "Ah! That means, I didn't buy you then!" (with a big smile)
Julia smiled and dropped the conversation, visibly satisfied and happy that I didn't buy her.

(I realized later that she could then have asked me where I got her then - now that she's sure that I definitely didn't buy her - and I could possibly have been in a worst predicament in this where-do-I-come-from conversation, as I wouldn't have known how to answer her next questions without digging a hole for myself..)

Musicians

As it turns out, the jazz concert I had stumbled into in my last blog post was part of a music festival and it is an ongoing daily one hour concert during lunchtimes. It gloriously would go on till Sept 14. So every weekday lunchtime, one could find me sitting in the bleachers and smiling like I had won a million dollars. This is life. I missed listening to live music so much. I wish it never ends.

Last Friday's music theme was "Tango" and all the four artists played varying aspects of tango. One gave a small lecture too about it's history. I have learned that Tango originated in Argentina, in a small port city called La Buka (I hope I spelled that right). In such a place, there were a lot of different nationalities - Russians, Colombians, Africans and even Japanese. Most of them are immigrants, so it is then that Tango is also known as immigrant music..interesting.

One thing that struck me while I was listening and watching the musicians play was how visibly one can see from their faces the emotion that their music draws from them. To me, it was very moving. It was as if they were all alone playing their instruments in an empty room and noone was watching. I couldn't remember when was the last time I wore my "heart" out like that. As far as I could recall, my journey to maturity have included being able to master my emotions and for me, that also entailed not having it too visible for people to see. Cultural expectations on Asian women may have had a part of it too as well as all those trainings in honing ones job skills where one is required to stay calm in emotionally charged scenarios or not reveal anything in most circumstances. Then again, it might also be that I have always been surrounded by left-brained people where numbers and over use of the mind and logic is the norm. So it's not surprising why on my spare time, I would be drawing, painting, writing or be drawn to lunchtime concerts like these because a large part of me lives through my emotions. And so it marvels me to watch people who spend most of every day, living at that end of the spectrum. As I watched the way the artists held their instruments, the way they close their eyes as the notes filled the air, how peaceful their faces looked, how passionate their energy, the shape of their fingers as they pressed those keys or pulled those strings, I wondered how it would be like to live the life of a musician where one's work requires one to feel, to reach into the depths of the heart and soul and find that unique music that is there and then to play it with eyes closed..it must be nice.

On a Sad Day

Sometimes for no particular reason at all, I feel sad. It may be because of some weird hormones, or stress or some negative energy I’ve picked up somewhere or maybe tiredness or some “thing” but whatever it is, I woke up sad today. There is this melancholy cloud hanging over my head and some emptiness in my stomach that I couldn’t attribute to any tangible cause. It was just a sad day, with nothing in it. If I was watching a movie, any movie, I would have burst crying at anytime. So consequently, on this sad morning, I didn’t pack my lunch and only packed those for Julia.

It didn’t help that Julia began crying and wailing on the way to her new daycare/preschool, nor did it help to see her sulking all by herself in a table when all the other kids were crowding in another table obviously having fun, it didn't help to see the unaffectionate face of the “attendant” watching over the many children in that preschool/daycare and it certainly didn’t help to come in my office after going out for coffee, to have my officemate visibly harboring a grudge at me because my cellphone rang when I was out and I have forgotten to turn it to vibrate mode. An apology didn’t make a difference. Of all days, it had to happen today, on my sad day. Someone had to call me on my phone at the time I was out when I forgot to turn on the vibrate mode which irritated my officemate who happens to be anal when it comes to phones ringing and sounds that I make in general. But such is life isn’t it? Things happen in moments when you least want it to happen. There is a term for this principle.. which predictably I forgot because one cannot be expected to think straight on sad days anyways. I wouldn’t have been surprised if the rest of my day was filled up with a rolling snowball of more sad events after another. A spilled lunch perhaps? My PC crashing in the middle of finishing my report? More phone calls coming? So during lunchtime, I said a short (but desperate) prayer, that I may have the courage to face the rest of the sad things coming to me today and to please, please, if possible, stop all the world's cruelty at once. Then I went out of our strained office to get some fresh air and my lunch which I've decided to get from Chinatown, giving me a nice enough distance to walk and breathe.

While I walked towards Chinatown, I heard some music. And it so happened that my feet convinced me to follow that music which on any other day, I would have easily ignored. But on this particularly sad day, I could go anywhere my feet wants to go. For all I care, my feet was THE boss today. So lo and behold, what glorious miracles happen when one follows ones feet for a day. Out in an open air stage with neat new bleachers filled with upbeat and positively glowing people, was a jazz band playing the most beautiful jazz songs from the 60's-70's that I've ever heard. It just melted all the ice that was starting to build inside me. I have never liked jazz before but today, I fell in love with it. There is nothing more enjoyable than listening to a saxophone, flute, two guitars and a viola playing in an open stage on a summer afternoon. It was like I stepped into heaven and a flashback was shown before me showing me how busy I have been with whatever plans I had in my life that now in heaven, I am being shown "the way"..all I needed to do was to sit down and enjoy a nice piece of jazz music in the middle of the open park on a particularly sad day. What pleasure! It nearly felt alien to me, I almost felt guilty savoring it. But savor I did for from now on, I am savoring life, in all it's forms and that sure includes jazz music. I never thought I'd be a jazz music enthusiast but I am now. Sad days after all are not that bad. They lead you to paths you may never have thought of taking and you end up becoming someone you never could have imagined you'd be.

Cave

One of my most cherished memories was when I was paddling in a dark river that runs through an amazing cave. After minutes of going through what seemed like an endless dark tunnel filled with flying swallows and sleeping bats, it suddenly "pops up" and I found myself in a huge chamber filled with stalactites and stalagmites the bases of which I couldn't see as the light was not strong enough and the space was so emmense. It was a surreal experience. I find that the most beautiful effect produced in caves is when there's a hole in its "ceiling"and rays of light are coming through, penetrating the darkness and illuminating the water that runs through it. It is just spectacular. I wish I could go back there again.

A New House

We are finally buying our new home here in our adopted country. As I told a friend, after having gone through the entire experience of buying a house here in Canada, it was really very much like looking and finding the love of your life, your soulmate. And although I had all my list of criterias, and all the things I'd like to see, as well as having viewed hundereds of pictures of people's houses (and getting a glimpse of how they might have lived their lives - which is an interesting experience in itself - I could have sworn I felt the owners' auras as I went through their rooms and looked at their stuffs), it ultimately boiled down to how you feel the minute you enter the door. It is a cliche but one really could fall in "love" with an inanimate thing such as a house. And I wonder why that is. Maybe it has to do with the life you imagine yourself to have when you are living in it, or the many possibilities that would come to you while you're cropped up in your new room as the rain pours outside or the romantic moments you imagine you'd spend in that very inviting porch or the picture of your child playing in that small patch of a yard or the many birthdays and holidays and memories you'd hope to create in this new house, in this new country...whatever it is, having a house of one's own (specially after you've left your own house back in your home country) is pretty special. Julia would say - "its fantastic!".

Butchart Gardens

Jack, Mana and their 2.5+ year old daughter, Lindsey, came to visit us last weekend. I got to see the Butchart gardens for the first time. It was beautiful and very well maintained. I realized later that with all the plants and trees around, I didn't see a single fallen leaf or flower rotting on the ground or pathways. They were being picked up or cleaned even before they begin to fade and fall off the branches. Given the vast land area, that was not a small feat.

Seing the potted pots of assorted flowers in the rose garden, I began to percolate a dream of owning a similar potted garden somewhere in my future, with those round flower collections hanging on arched trellises and a wishing fountain at the side that would make me feel like I'm transported to one of the scenes in Jane Austin's novels. Flowers do that to you I guess. They add some magic into an otherwise ordinary landscape or existence. With flowers, you became aware of beautiful possibilities.

Here are some pictures of my favorites: the sunken garden, fountain and japanese garden.

(I must admit that I was a teeny bit disappointed to find the japanese garden ponds lacking of koi's, which to me was a key thing of such a garden.)

Thank you Jack, Manna and Lindsey, for the most wonderful time!

Seeing Pink

It is unusual to see the color pink on the ground. I would never have thought it to be naturally associated with the colors of the ground but I was mistaken.