On a Sad Day

Sometimes for no particular reason at all, I feel sad. It may be because of some weird hormones, or stress or some negative energy I’ve picked up somewhere or maybe tiredness or some “thing” but whatever it is, I woke up sad today. There is this melancholy cloud hanging over my head and some emptiness in my stomach that I couldn’t attribute to any tangible cause. It was just a sad day, with nothing in it. If I was watching a movie, any movie, I would have burst crying at anytime. So consequently, on this sad morning, I didn’t pack my lunch and only packed those for Julia.

It didn’t help that Julia began crying and wailing on the way to her new daycare/preschool, nor did it help to see her sulking all by herself in a table when all the other kids were crowding in another table obviously having fun, it didn't help to see the unaffectionate face of the “attendant” watching over the many children in that preschool/daycare and it certainly didn’t help to come in my office after going out for coffee, to have my officemate visibly harboring a grudge at me because my cellphone rang when I was out and I have forgotten to turn it to vibrate mode. An apology didn’t make a difference. Of all days, it had to happen today, on my sad day. Someone had to call me on my phone at the time I was out when I forgot to turn on the vibrate mode which irritated my officemate who happens to be anal when it comes to phones ringing and sounds that I make in general. But such is life isn’t it? Things happen in moments when you least want it to happen. There is a term for this principle.. which predictably I forgot because one cannot be expected to think straight on sad days anyways. I wouldn’t have been surprised if the rest of my day was filled up with a rolling snowball of more sad events after another. A spilled lunch perhaps? My PC crashing in the middle of finishing my report? More phone calls coming? So during lunchtime, I said a short (but desperate) prayer, that I may have the courage to face the rest of the sad things coming to me today and to please, please, if possible, stop all the world's cruelty at once. Then I went out of our strained office to get some fresh air and my lunch which I've decided to get from Chinatown, giving me a nice enough distance to walk and breathe.

While I walked towards Chinatown, I heard some music. And it so happened that my feet convinced me to follow that music which on any other day, I would have easily ignored. But on this particularly sad day, I could go anywhere my feet wants to go. For all I care, my feet was THE boss today. So lo and behold, what glorious miracles happen when one follows ones feet for a day. Out in an open air stage with neat new bleachers filled with upbeat and positively glowing people, was a jazz band playing the most beautiful jazz songs from the 60's-70's that I've ever heard. It just melted all the ice that was starting to build inside me. I have never liked jazz before but today, I fell in love with it. There is nothing more enjoyable than listening to a saxophone, flute, two guitars and a viola playing in an open stage on a summer afternoon. It was like I stepped into heaven and a flashback was shown before me showing me how busy I have been with whatever plans I had in my life that now in heaven, I am being shown "the way"..all I needed to do was to sit down and enjoy a nice piece of jazz music in the middle of the open park on a particularly sad day. What pleasure! It nearly felt alien to me, I almost felt guilty savoring it. But savor I did for from now on, I am savoring life, in all it's forms and that sure includes jazz music. I never thought I'd be a jazz music enthusiast but I am now. Sad days after all are not that bad. They lead you to paths you may never have thought of taking and you end up becoming someone you never could have imagined you'd be.